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Thursday, 3 June 2010, 15:16
A post about nothing.

Yesterday I packed up my room. It was all fine until I got to the jewellery boxes when I was a lot younger. I was - and probably still am - very vain when I was small. My mom knew I loved these things. Besides, I needed a place to put all the fancy toy necklaces and rings. Well, guess what. All of a sudden, I just felt very melancholy and yes, I started sobbing.

I actually packed to clear what I no longer need and keep things that I feel are filled with memories. I kept the more meaningful toys in a box because I think that it's a part of history. In future, I can tell my children stories and they can see how their mom lived when she was a child. I enjoy listening to stories of my parents' childhood so I want to pass it on. As the packing went on, the mood just became more sombre as I became more pensive. I started to think about what stories I would tell and it occured to me that most of these things will be what is left for me to reminisce about when they've passed on. And then it started to hurt. My eyes started to sting and I couldn't stop my tears. Wiping off the thick layer of dust on the music box, I started to sob. I knew I had to stop. While trying to calm myself, I remembered that when I was in primary school, I randomly started to think about these things. That time I simply ran to the kitchen and cried in my mother's arms.

I am very reliant. Friends, please don't leave me. I know I'm not the easiest to keep in contact with, but please don't stop trying. I will try to do what I can.

Friendships are such difficult things. It doesn't work when only one party tries because you're not literally friends with yourself. As with every relationship, it requires cooperation. Some recent happenings just made me lose faith in friendships. I thought I made an effort but it seems like that effort wasn't enough. Friendships... How do you make it last? I really don't know anymore. When I was in Malaysia, The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants 2 kept repeating, as though it was a premonition for something. I really hope things will turn out well in the end. I do wish my friends and I can last despite us living different lives. I may no longer understand whatever that's going through in your lives. I may not know whoever you're close to anymore but trust me when I say I want to hear about them. I love stories and I want to be there for you. I really hope our friendship will last forever.

I don't deal well with losses. I just hang on too much to the past. Sometimes, I don't want to pack my things because I'm afraid of the memories associated with it. I am an escapist. I'd rather pretend that bad things are not there. Did you know that sometimes I would remove songs from my playlists because those songs reminds me of things? Each song has its own story attached to it.

I don't know why I blogged.

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